This is the part about moving forward. The part where I acknowledge that the feelings of insecurity and self doubt are a part of a past that made me who I am today. I will never be one to forget these feelings or push them aside again because they are an integral piece of the puzzle that is Inemesit. When I first began this journey towards reclaiming my body, I expected it to take a grand total of three months tops, after which I would have transformed into the body positive warrior of my dreams. However, it took me all of three months just to accept that this was my journey. By the time I had expected to be standing on roof tops spreading the body positive good news, I was just coming around to believing that I could one day achieve that goal. It was a serous hit to the ego, derailing a timeline that I had meticulously thought through and making me seriously question my next steps.
But rather than revert to my comfort zone and deciding that this just wasn't for me, I pushed through it. I took my three month milestone (or lack thereof) as a learning opportunity, cutting myself some slack for not living up to an impossible standard that I only had myself to blame for creating. This taught me one of my most important lessons so far - the road to falling in love with my body was not a straight one. There will be ups and downs, roadblocks, set backs and a myriad of other reasons I should stop fighting but thats just the nature of life in general. It is my ability to dust myself off and try again (thanks Aaliyah) that I must embrace and hold dear.
I am in a good place for the first time in a while. I know this may come as a surprise to people who I have known for a while. My outward exertion of positivity often hides the fact that I may not be doing so great internally. I tend to push things down and pretty much fake it till I make it, but this does nothing but stop me from reaching my full potential. This journey towards body positivity has not only helped me begin to regain the appreciation of my body, but it has also taught me so much about myself and how I handle the world around me. I am finally able to put my feelings out there and experience each one to the max, both good or bad. I am able to let people in without constant worry that I won't be good enough for them to keep around. I have finally began giving myself space to make mistakes and steer away from the idealistic me that I have always tried to achieve. I am happy and learning, albeit slowly, how to put myself first